The World Wide Web of Lies/Shame The jammers were playing "Hey Good Looking" at Avo's last Wednesday as the lawyer, Sue Forebucks, and I sat tuning and talking. We were interrupted when the Siamese twins Maude Lynne and Misty Ida Motion came over with their synthesized tambourine. They or she were talking to themselves/herselves/each other. (I'm never sure how pronouns work for connected persons so I generally just call them or her "y'all.")

"Such foul language," said the right hand Maude.

"And disgusting acts," replied Misty. She turned to me. "Mike, we hooked up to the Internet like you suggested, but you didn't warn us about the filthy pornography."

"Sorry," I said, "but it's pretty easy to avoid. A few years ago, someone on a mailing list wrote that he couldn't find any porn and wondered if the media fuss was just hype. I wondered too, so I surfed. The guy obviously didn't understand search logic. There are over 700,000 porn sites on the web, but you have to make some effort to reach them. Regular sites like sports, shopping, and news are okay."

"That's what we thought," said Misty, "but Maude went to the Library of Congress and found the Starr report on Clinton."

Maude added, "I can't believe our representatives posted pornography on the web."

"It's not really porn," said Sue, "because there aren't any pictures. They just posted public text. It's cheaper and faster than making a thousand copies of a 500 page document."

"Well Starr didn't have to get so disgustingly graphic," said Misty.

"Actually, he did," said Sue. "Clinton is fixated on escaping through some technicality. Remember the inhaling marijuana incident? He claimed he broke no US laws because it happened in England. In --"

"He's like a ten-year old boy standing in front of a broken window," I interrupted. "I didn't break it, the baseball did. And I didn't hit the ball, the bat did."

"That's about the gist of it," continued Sue. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, in the Paula Jones deposition, Clinton claimed he didn't technically have sex so Starr had to show the techniques Bill and Monica used. That report is a smoking gun."

"Or a soggy cigar," I added.

Sue smiled but Misty said, "That's perverse. And there was no need for Congress and Starr to spend forty million dollars just to post lurid stories on the Internet for any child to see."

"The forty million was Clinton's fault, not Starr's," I said. "If the President had told the truth from the beginning instead of waiting until he was caught with his pants down, we would have all been spared the details."

Maude scowled. "What people do in private should remain private."

"Only for private people," I answered. "If a politician or general or especially the commander in chief of the most powerful military force on the planet does something illegal or immoral, he can be blackmailed into doing many different things by any of his cohort. Clinton's indiscretion put the entire nation at risk. We're lucky that all Monica wanted was a decent job in New York City."

"What worries me," added Sue, "is that we don't know what else he's lied about. I'm now confident Kathleen Willey was telling the truth about being groped after her husband died. If he wants to spare us any more details, he could resign immediately."

The Hank Williams song ended. I stood. "Maybe Clinton will act like a statesman and resign gracefully," I said as I walked to the jammers. "Let's play that bluegrass tune, 'Salty Dog.'"