Off Miami Christmas Eve
we thought we'd make a run
and get our load of wacky weed
on shore for Christmas fun.
The Coast Guard and the Navy
would be at home, we thought,
celebrating with their kids
while we unloaded pot.
It was so dark and peaceful
that fateful winter night
the crew decided they would work
by Christmas candle light.
We started loading speedboats
while sixty candles gleamed;
everything was going fine,
at least, that's how it seemed.
We started passing joints around
to get a little higher
when someone knocked a candle
o'er and set a bale on fire.
We all climbed onto the rails
to get into the smoke
and everybody started taking
king-size Christmas tokes.
We threw a few more bales down
to make the fire greater
and accidentally spread it to
our oceangoing freighter.
We sounded the alarm and then
we all abandoned ship
and sat it out in speedboats
where we watched the fire rip.
Ten thousand pounds of grade-A pot
went up in clouds of smoke.
Forty crewmen watched the flames
and not a word was spoke.
And in the silence we heard sleigh bells
and we looked up in the sky
and through the smoke came Santa Claus
and he looked mighty high.
He said, "Merry Christmas, boys.
I thank you for the smoke.
I work every Christmas Eve and rarely get to toke.
I like the milk and cookies, but let me make a point:
to get the munchies properly ole Santa needs a joint.
"Well now I see you've lost your stash
so before it blows away,
we'd better make the best of it,
come climb up in my sleigh."
So we all climbed into his sleigh
(it was bigger than it looked)
and we kept flying through the smoke
'til everyone was cooked.
The reindeer all got giggly, started flying extra fast,
while Santa told us stories of the Christmas Eves of past.
He said that if we wanted
we could fly around the world,
but we'd have to help him give the toys
to all the boys and girls.
Well we agreed to help him out, we thought it was a kick
to be up on the rooftops with
the reindeer and Saint Nick.
We worked with him all night long
until the job was done.
And later when he dropped us off
we thanked him for the fun.
He said, "Think nothing of it, boys,
I thank you for the smoke.
I work every Christmas Eve and rarely get to toke.
I like the milk and cookies, but don't forget my point:
to get the munchies properly ole Santa needs a joint."
Then he left us standing there
and flew off in the sky,
and later when I told my friends
they said, "You must be high!"
Well they might think I'm crazy,
but that's the way it was,
and every Christmas Eve I leave a joint for Santa Claus.
Yeah, you might think I'm crazy,
but that's the way it was,
and every Christmas Eve I leave a joint for Santa Claus.