Got a little drunk, got a little bit high,
tried to go skiing on the Fourth of July.
My friends said, "Michael. Please don't go."
I said, "Why not?" They said, "There ain't no snow."
I climbed to the top and I tried to ski down,
but I fell over and I rolled around.
I tumbled and I bounced to the bottom of the hill.
My friends all thought that I'd got killed.
But as I stood up they all started to laugh.
My clothes were all covered with green, green grass.
I don't mind the bruises. I don't mind the pain.
But Lord I can't stand these old grass stains.
Those grass, grass, grass stains,
they give me gas, gas gas pains,
they drive me past, past, past sane.
Lord I can't stand these old grass stains.
Look what grass stains done to me.
Got me singing songs way out of key.
Got grass stains on my clean white pants.
Now I'm stuck in this bluegrass band.
You may think it's funny but Lord it ain't.
How'd you like to be an old Grass Stain?
Everybody's laughing, making jokes.
Grass Stains ain't like normal folks.
So all you good people better not get green.
Better try to keep your clothing clean.
Cause if you get grass stains on your kness,
good God Almighty, you'll end up like me.