Mike Moxcey ©2002

Crazy Captain Quasar

by Mike Moxcey

Colorado Springs ‚(Loo-Art Press), July 1998

1.I signed up with the Space Force after high school. My daddy said they'd make a man of me.
   I turned into a soldier man at boot camp and flew off into space at seven gees.

2. I served my hitch aboard a battle spaceship where I learned to use a cannon laser.
When my time was up I re-enlisted and they shipped me out to serve with Captain Quasar. 

1st chorus: ­
I'd rather cut my jugular with a rusty razor han have to serve another hitch with Crazy Captain Quasar.
If the devil gets me when I die, I know it'd be a pleasure 

4. He tried to get the pirate, Buckwheat Johnson but the pirate could hit almost anyplace.
    So the Captain kept us all at battle stations no matter where we were in outer space. 

2d chorus:  
Even if you gave me all of Buckwheat Johnson's treasure I wouldn't serve another hitch with Crazy Captain Quasar.
I'd rather that you gave me a lobotomy by laser than put me in a spaceship with that Crazy Captain Quasar. 

5. Once we chased the pirate through a black hole and Crazy Captain Quasar followed after.
    We got caught and almost didn't make it and when we called for help, we just heard laughter. 

6. I tried to transfer to another unit, even to a dingy asteroid.
    But when my orders came I couldn't transfer 'cause we were chasing pirates through the void. 

repeat 1st chorus

7. We finally lost the war but I was glad 'cause then I thought that we'd be homeward bound. ­
    But Captain Quasar said, "We won't surrender until we've tracked old Buckwheat Johnson down." 

8. We finally mutinied and went back home. The judge said that he'd take some drastic measures.
    We told the judge we'd rather be in jail than be aboard a ship with Captain Quasar. 

repeat 2d chorus

9. I guess you know that Buckwheat stole the spaceship the Empire had been building secretly.
It had a brand-new ‚telehyper-drive that could send it to another galaxy.

10. But not too many people know that Buckwheat picked up Captain Quasar when he left.
      They might be enemies but they're both spacers and the Captain had been stuck behind a desk. 

final chorus:
Now he's sharing all of pirate Buckwheat Johnson's treasure. I hope they have enough to give them lots of pleasure.
How far away he went is just impossible to measure I hope he stays away for good, that Crazy Captain Quasar.

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